May 3, 2013 Leave a Comment

How To Gain Confidence

“Fuck,” I said in a frustrated tone as I watch my breath freeze in the cold weather. Before I could drive myself to my usual coffee shop to kick-start my work day, I had to brush 2 inches of snow off my car. I came out wearing a thin layer of jacket since the forecast last night said the weather will be on the plus side. I guess Mother Nature decided otherwise. There are many things in life that are outside of our control; the weather, our ethnic background, the family we’re born into and how the future is going to pan out.

I immigrated to Canada almost a decade ago. At the age of 17, I tipped the scale at nearly 200 pounds. My doctor diagnosed me to be obese and is encouraging me to lose weight really fast. With an acne-prone skin and a bulging stomach, I found it very difficult to feel good about myself.

200 lbs

In a desperate attempt to gain some self-esteem, there was an urgent need to drop some pounds. Confused on how to get started, I took the easy way out which immediately lead to an eating disorder. I stuck my middle and ring finger down my throat and forced myself to throw up every time I ate something that I knew I shouldn’t have. The feeling of self-condemnation and guilt developed to bulimia for a period in my life.

There were moments when I would be in tears while on my knees in front of the toilet; I felt like my life was outside of my control. I had a lot of self-defeating thoughts which lead to a mild depression in my younger years. This was something that up to this day, my parents and siblings never knew. I was too ashamed to admit it.

There were countless moments of observation, where I would stand shirtless in front of my mirror. Instead of wearing my clothes to hide the sight, I wore a look of disgust, which took years for me to discard. I had grabbed my belly with both hands and wished I could just rip it right off.

Fast-forward a decade. Nowadays, I carry myself a lot differently. After toiling for ten years — which involved an endless supply of determination, a lot of self-help books, hours of internet research and enough coffee to fill up a swimming pool — I was able to reinvent myself; both externally and internally. I was once an insecure, introverted teenager but now things are different.

I’m a firm believer of taking action and doing the things that makes sense now that’s within your control. If I had the option of manifesting my positive intent to an obscure place in the universe or taking steps toward something that I could do immediately, I’d always pick the latter first. Motivation and inspiration come from winning; when we feel competent and in control of the task at hand.

Today, as I write this article, I feel great about my physical appearance. I’m happy with how I look with or without clothes. On top of that, I’ve developed a growth mindset, which allowed me to be creative and a lot more flexible with how I do things.

Your mind and body are intertwined; change one and the other will follow. Taking control of your body and appearance is the easiest and fastest way to gain real confidence. It’s something tangible; it’s something that you see, feel and experience right now. Change is a process, it’s not an event. Most people think that for a real change to happen, it’s as simple as thinking and analyzing the problem at hand. Will-power is an exhaustible resource and we only have so much at any given day. Knowing doesn’t solve the problem, taking action does.

The fastest way to build real confidence is to change your perception of yourself and then do something about it. How do you feel when you see your reflection in the mirror? It’s either one or the other; pain or pleasure. Do you like what you see? Your self-esteem will determine whatever you achieve and you will only go for things that you think you deserve. It will affect what kind of jobs you apply for, the kind of girls you approach and the quality of life that you’ll live.

If you think about it, for a little over a dollar a day and a small time commitment per week, you can go to the gym and kick your own ass. Working out and eating better is the cheapest and most efficient way to take control of your life; it’s something you can do immediately.

Besides the obvious health benefits, the real advantage of fitness is a renewed sense of well-being. It’s beyond getting abs and a powerful looking physique; it’s an improvement on your self-esteem and self-integrity. Knowing that you’ve set a goal and you were able to achieve it. Fitness also has a spill over effect into your social, emotional and spiritual health; the primary benefits beyond looking and feeling better.

By being completely content and happy with your physical condition, you’re not worried about how you look anymore when you interact with other people on a daily basis. You can allow your real personality to shine through without the fear of being judged with your external appearance. It’s a huge time saver. People are already insecure and uncomfortable as it is meeting new people; the last thing that should be on their mind is how they’re being perceived.

Having the body that you want, you feel admired and motivated which are important things to fuel your journey; compliments affirm you’re doing something right. Gone are the worries, doubts and insecurities. You can focus on other things that matter more since the itch has already been scratched.

My experience with fitness is that it is a means towards self-improvement. The same principles you use to build a head turning physique will have a direct carry over in other pillars of your life.

Here are the principles I’ve used from fitness that I now apply towards other endeavours:

  • Set clear, specific goals
  • Take action
  • Notice what’s working and not working
  • Change your approach
  • Keep doing what works

Now that one area has been taken care of, you can take the lessons that you’ve learned and apply them to better yourself to become a more complete person. Fitness is the first step to grooming yourself to be the perfect man; an idea of our best self that we could only aspire to be.

Being a bachelor of 7 years, I’ve been on some dates where I wish I didn’t go to. I’ve seen some movies that I thought was a complete waste of my time but there was never a day when I didn’t feel like I got no value from working out. I know for a fact, as sure as my next breath, the most important relationship I could ever build is the one with myself.

If, and only if, you felt compelled by this article and feel like your fitness is preventing you from getting the most out of life send me a message and let’s connect. Give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest because if you know better, you’d do better.

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Filed Under: Fitness
May 3, 2013 Leave a Comment

Something Worth Waking Up For

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there” says the Cheshire Cat to Alice. A helpful reminder to pin down your goal first and map out mentally where you want to end up. My overwhelming desire to get more out of life and do work that matter to me made it easy to let go of my 9-to-5 over a year ago and reach out to people who I aspire to be like.

Besides the memorable experience, world-class dating advice and mentorship, Nick Hoss provided me more than that in Dallas, Texas during my Dallas Rockstar Internship from Love Systems. He gave me reference experience and a shift in perspective. Staying with him for 10 days, I got to see first hand how a successful non-conformist behaves from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed; I got to see what was possible. Anywhere from Skype chats and our nights out, I was exposed to a variety of other highly influential people during my internship, one of them was Jesse Krieger.

With “Starlight” as his alias, Jesse works as a dating coach for Love Systems and is also a very savvy business man. He works from his laptop and travels back and forth North America and Asia. Jesse’s living the life that I want and I know I have to connect with him. A few email exchanges and video calls later, I’m ecstatic to assist Jesse Krieger in his North American release of his book, Lifestyle Entrepreneur, where he teaches people how to make money doing what they love and support themselves financially.

“When you know what you want, it becomes clear what must be done. As you do, eventually you will come to be and that is your identity,” a very insightful quote from his book that I had an opportunity to read beforehand. Having a vision of what your life should look like is an important aspect of figuring out your identity as a person. After doing some serious internal self-investigation, I realized that happiness is not about acquiring more, it’s about eliminating the unnecessary to make room for realizations of things that are important to you.

I want to share with you what wakes me up every morning; what a perfect day would look like when my ambitions finally come to fruition.

Here we go…

Eight o’ clock in the morning, my alarm went off. Oddly enough, I’m not at the very least irritated. I jumped out of bed, shower and get dressed. I’m wearing a grey v-neck shirt with really soft fabric, a leather jacket, dark denim and a pair of boots. I grabbed my canvas brief case with my laptop and my duffel bag with my gym clothes in it.

Canvass

Unlike my corporate job that I had for 5 years, I’m waking up with a purpose. Living my life in my own terms and running a business based on what I love to do, it always feels like there’s not enough hours during the day. Since my business is location independent, I get to travel and live in different places and work at the same time.

It’s a beautiful day in Makati City, the luxury area in the Philippines. I hop in the elevator to get to the main level of the condo that I’m currently residing at. As I put my aviators on, I bid a friendly wave to the security guard in my building as he tossed me the keys to my car.

Stepping out of the building, a cool, gentle breeze hits my face. Another warm summer day with clear, blue skies and I’m loving it. A few blocks from my condo is a Starbucks coffee shop where I usually do my writing and consulting work as a nutritionist and online personal trainer.

I walked in, grabbed a cup of Americano and sat outside in the patio. Emails poured in the second I connected to the “PLDT FREE WI-FI.” My inbox is full of client emails with their progress and questions about their current programs. A few hours of personally replying to these emails, I open my PayPal account to check in on my online sales. I nodded and smile. “Not bad at all” I thought to myself. Earning in Dollars and spending in Pesos allows me to live and travel in style while I educate myself more deeply in what I do while building my business. Since I don’t have a boss or any employees, I get to do what I want and when I want.

Moments later, my best friend who lives close by, pulls up a chair to join me. With a cup of coffee in his hand, he sat down to discuss the details of the workshop we’re doing in regards to fitness and nutrition next week. We’re also brainstorming some ideas for articles to write for Men’s Health Philippines; we both have our own column there where we answer fitness, nutrition and relationship questions.

I looked at the clock and it’s already 3 o’ clock in the afternoon; time to hit the weights. With a productive and profitable morning, my best friend and I hop into my 2-door sports car jamming to some feel good R & B. With a press of a button, the top of the car folded backwards before we hit the highway.

We get to the gym and we’re greeted by all the staff and members since I’ve done a lot of marketing and business development for them. The owner personally stepped out to shake my hand and had a quick chat before heading to the locker room to get changed and workout.

Half way through training, my brother came over to join us. A veteran in the fitness industry, he also does consulting work and personal training. 45 minutes later, we finish up in the stretching area. We’re gearing up for dinner to one of our favourite Thai restaurant a few blocks from where I’m doing a workshop on business startups and entrepreneurship. After building a successful and reputable online business, I coach other aspiring entrepreneurs to do the same.

Wearing a charcoal grey suit tailored closely to my physique, I walk up on stage. I am welcomed by a loud applause and people cheering. Most of them have a copy of my book and with my hands clasped together I gave a slight bow as I sincerely thanked everybody for making it out that night. They could have been anywhere but chose to be there. After the workshop, I packed my laptop, stayed to chat with clients and signed a few copies of my book.

The workshop finished late and the streets were quiet which gave me an opportunity to reflect as I drove home. I smiled as I’m reminded how fortunate I am to be able to make a difference in other people’s lives. Lucky enough, I get to wake up the next day and do it all over again.

This is the kind of life that I want for myself; meaningful and independent. How about you, what’s your life vision? Jesse’s book pointed me in the right direction on how to figure out mine, I hope it does the same for you as well. Define the life you want for yourself and you’ll have something awesome to wake up to every single day!

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Filed Under: Personal Development
February 14, 2013 Leave a Comment

How To Meet Women In A Coffee Shop

“I just don’t get approached very often believe or not,” this girl said as we were picking up spices and vegetables at a grocery store close to my place. I met her the day before at the coffee shop that I frequent on a daily basis. She sat at a chair close to me and her shoes happen to caught my eye. I made a comment about it, told her a story about my recent trip that was relevant to what I said earlier and got the conversation flowing. After a few text messages and a brief chat over the phone, I promise her I’d teach her how to make one of my favourite dishes that she happened to like as well.

One of the many things that I like about the line of work I’ve created for myself is the freedom to do it at any place where there’s a wi-fi connection. I get up and set my own schedule for the day, work with clients that I choose, take breaks to hit the gym, go to yoga, take a nap anytime I want as long as the work gets done.

It’s been over a year now when I made the commitment to stop drinking so I haven’t really been going out to night clubs too often. So, where do I meet women? After figuring out what I want out of life and what I’m missing, it was apparent where I would find the kind of girls I look for.

Fact about females: They don’t want to meet a significant other in a night club

Click here to share this fact and tell Twitter about it.

According to the hundreds of women I’ve approached, a pattern finally surfaced. Most women have a fantasy of meeting a really cool guy as she’s going about her daily business. As if it “just happened” the way Hollywood romantic movies depict it to be.

Unfortunately, that’s not what most guys do. Sometime during Wednesday, they’re already texting and calling each other up on what the plan for the weekend is. The outcome is predictable; meet up at a house that has the most alcohol and pre-drink, take a cab to a bar where there’s a lot of women, get drunk and swing aimlessly while uttering drunken non-sense in hopes of ending up with someone at the end of the night.

For many years, I’ve done that approach with very little success. Not only was it inefficient, it was also expensive. When you’ve drank yourself over the waterfalls, you lose all logic and that’s when poor decisions are made. How many times have you spent over $200 on a weekend and have nothing to show for besides a pounding hang over; the prize you find at the bottom of a tequila bottle.

A different process creates a different outcome. Since I wasn’t very happy with the results I was getting, it makes sense to try a different method; meet women in places that I spend most of my time in. Lately, I’ve approached, met and connected with a lot of attractive and interesting women during the day at many different coffee shops.

Here are 3 things that I’ve noticed:
  1. Women are a lot friendlier and approachable during the day
  2. It was easier to make a connection and see if there’s a fit
  3. There’s virtually little to no competition

If you’ve ever wondered how to meet women in a coffee shop, here are a few things to keep in mind.

5 Tips On How To Meet Women In A Coffee Shop

  • Make Sure Your Image Is On PointAccording to research, people have already decided if they like you or not in as little as 7 seconds. Looks do make a difference and it really doesn’t take much. Don’t worry so much about the things that are out of your hands like your height or your ethnic background. Devote your energy to the things that are within your control. Shave your face, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, spray cologne, wear clean clothes that fit well, keep your style simple and edgy. That’s it. Not only does this convey that you are someone to be taken seriously, you’ll also increase your probability of success since you’ve taken the time to prepare for it.
  • Allow Her To See YouWhether she’s standing in line to get a cup of her favourite latte or sitting down and reading a book, give her a chance to see you first before you make your move. Approach at an angle within her peripheral vision so that means don’t come from behind; you’ll creep her out. If you happen to catch each other’s eyes, just smile and give a friendly wave. Smiling not only signals confidence, it also makes you look more attractive and approachable.
  • Make An Indirect CommentMaking an indirect comment gives the impression that you’re not hitting on her immediately. The last thing you want to do is trigger her preprogrammed response. An attractive woman gets hit on a lot so by saying something that’s not regarding her looks, she’ll actually have to spend sometime thinking about what to say back.You can either give her a compliment about something specific about her style or you can make a comment about something you notice about her. It could either be a specific mannerism or the way she conducts herself which is definitely something out of the ordinary than the typical bar chat she’s accustomed to hearing.
  • Spill The BeansNo woman gets out of bed every morning without the hopes of meeting and being approached by someone who’s easy going and confident. If you have an overwhelming feeling of attraction towards her, go ahead and approach directly. Women, despite how attractive they are, want to feel like there’s something different about them from the rest. They want to stand out and feel special. Make it seem like you were so drawn to her feminine energy that you, as a man, had to do something about it. If you have to go out your way to meet her, then this is the right approach to take. Don’t run after her to ask what the time is. That’s weird and incongruent. The good thing about this approach is it build attraction in seconds; the tone is set for the rest of the conversation and both of you know the roles you play in. Just be aware that if you hesitate, even for a brief moment, she’ll feel that flinch and it won’t work. If she happens to go to the coffee shop a lot, you might feel an awkward tension when you see each other.
  • Have Something Interesting To SayMost men that approach women make the mistake of putting the conversational burden on her. They expect women they’ve never met before to entertain them and answer all the lame questions they ask. On the other hand, some men make the mistake of being too interesting to the point where it seem like they’re bragging. Every question they ask parlays into another story where again, they’re the hero that saves the day. I’ve done both and based from my experience, the truth is in the middle. Make sure whatever story or statement you’re going to say after you’ve caught her attention is relevant to; the comments and complements you’ve made, the environment or situation both of you are in and her response on what she’s shared with you so far

Just come in with the intent of seeing if there’s a fit for both of you. If not, that’s okay as well. Realize that rejection is an event, it’s not a person. If she says no to you, be thankful. The last thing you want is to spend half an hour of your precious time and realize that the conversation isn’t really going else where. Try these tips if you’re ready to trade your double rum and coke for a cup of joe and meet women sober at a coffee shop, during the day.

I love to hear what you think! Leave your comments, I personally read and reply to all of them!

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Filed Under: Dating Tagged: , , , ,
January 14, 2013 7 Comments

How To Find The Perfect Job

“If you study hard in school, get good grades, get into a good college, and get a degree, then your success in life is guaranteed.” my parents told me almost a decade ago back in high school. It’s what I’m “supposed to do” so I bought into it all, hook, line and sinker.

Oh man, was I retarded.

Before I turned 20, I have achieved the very thing that society, my parents, teachers and everyone else around me told me to attain in order to be successful – a piece of paper certifying my achievement in academic intelligence. A few days after graduation, I got into a prestigious engineering firm, had an amazing starting salary with great benefits and RRSP.

Despite all that, why was I so unhappy?

Quite frankly, the job that I had worked so hard to get and went to school for was nowhere close to my ambition when I was little. I never envisioned my life sitting behind a desk inactively while I have someone breath on my neck asking me to do tedious and meaningless task. For almost 2 months when I started out my career, do you know what I did? I photocopied binders after binders of old projects to use as reference for a new one. I was a glorified assistant and the work that I did after that had nothing to do with what I learned in school. The idea of  ”dream job” that was dangled in front of me like a carrot on a stick for the majority of my youth was far from the reality of being a cubicle prisoner.

As I see my old friends leave school and graduate, it seems like more and more people are waking up to the reality that the old career advice that probably was true 50 years ago is no longer adequate. Job security is dead, I know that first hand when I got let go during the recession. The idea of simply focusing on academics and getting a degree is no longer a guarantee to a successful, let alone fulfilling life.

After my first semester of being in school, I already knew I was going to hate my job afterwards. Sure there were a few things that I found interesting but for the most part, the lectures were dry and boring. I was too apathetic to really figure things out on my own and was hoping something would change. Maybe one day, I’ll get used to it. Not only that, I didn’t want to seem like a failure; someone that started something and didn’t finish. With that blind hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I stayed in school to complete the program and worked my shitty corporate job 4 years longer than I should’ve.

There’s a big difference between designing a life and making a living. The first puts passion and meaning first before money; the latter is the opposite. Mind you, being an entrepreneur is not as easy or glamorous as most people make it out to be. When I took the leap and left my 9-to-5, I was in limbo for a few years with no clue on what to do. One thing was certain, I don’t want to work for anybody else. Lost and frustrated, I focused on things that were within my control. Many days were in different coffee shops reading books and reaching out to successful people that have the life that I want. After enough meetings and cups of coffee, eventually things slowly started to make sense. The pattern for success finally emerged and the path was there for me to follow.

So where do you start?

First and foremost, think about your end goal: the lifestyle that you want. Isn’t that why you earn money anyway? Your career should complement the quality of your life, not the other way around. What would a perfect day look like for you? If you don’t know the answer, that’s fine but you have to define that for yourself. It’s a process of elimination so start with what you know. If you know what you don’t want, then by default, you want the opposite. The more specific you can be, the better. Once you do, work backwards on how to achieve that. The perfect job is the overlap of what you’re good at and what people would pay for. Solve a problem for a specific group of people with a skill set that you can offer.

You don’t need a lifetime to rewrite your career. As for myself, I’d rather work really hard for 5 years than coast through mediocrity for 40. Motivation comes from winning and feeling like a winner comes from taking action. Creativity and passion are maintained only if you’re present and that’s going to be a lot easier if you enjoy what you do. I was never a fan of school but I do value learning. Make a list of the skills necessary for your perfect job and that will take you a lot further than any class you can take in university.

You owe it to yourself to figure this out. If you don’t make it happen in this lifetime, when do you plan on doing it? You don’t want to  put in all this work, get to the top and figure out the ladder you climbed was leaning against the wrong wall. So stop putting your future in someone else’s hands. Pay checks come and go but wasted time is gone forever. Today, think of one thing that if you do really well will make you successful. Refocus your energy on that which will lead to attaining and securing your financial independence.

Life isn’t about finding yourself; you’re leaving too many things to chance. It’s about defining what you want and just going for it. I’m telling you right now to pick yourself first, instead of waiting to be picked. Once you’re moving success is not going to be a question of “if” it’s going to be a question of “when.”

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Filed Under: Entrepreneurship Tagged: , , , ,
January 7, 2013 Leave a Comment

Why Do You Wake Up?

I’m not a morning person.

Just like most people, I used my phone as an alarm clock. When I had a corporate job back in the day, I remember picking the most annoying alarm sound which resembles a code red emergency. I tried many different techniques to force myself out of bed. I tried leaving my alarm on top of my drawer so I have to physically get up to turn it off. I’ve tried putting it on a speaker and I even thought about putting it in my bathroom to get myself in the shower right away. I even went as far as parking my car where I’ll get towed before 9am in the morning. They all worked and definitely got me out of bed. It was efficient but clearly not optimal. I always caught myself crawling back under my sheets begging the logical side of my brain for another 15 minutes to sleep in. My attempts failed miserably because I attached pain to the outcome.

Why?

Because I didn’t give a shit about what I was doing before. I love both my parents and wanted their acceptance and approval in everything that I did, especially from my father. Growing up in a very traditional family, I lived my life in every way I could to please them and make them happy suppressing what it is that I really wanted to do. When I finally decided to quit my corporate job a few years back, that put a lot of strain with my relationship with them.

According to research, the average person will have 7 different careers in their lifetime. I’ve surpassed that number at the age of 25. It’s not that I’m incompetent to do the job, I just couldn’t force myself to like it. I never enjoyed the idea of having someone breathing down my neck and micromanaging what I’m doing. I didn’t think it was fair getting paid just enough money so I don’t complain and in turn, I only put in enough work so I don’t get fired. The weekend became the light at the end of my work-week tunnel as I grudge through the week thinking when it will be over.

Sounds a little weird but I really enjoy people watching. The next time you’re at a party or at a bar, do yourself a favor and just observe. People that wake up and know their purpose carry themselves in a way that’s very noticeable. They act differently than people who don’t. Their demeanor says “Don’t worry about it. I know what I’m doing.” They have a quiet confidence and wear a knowing smile on their faces. At any given conversation, they are the ones that just sit back and listen to other people. They don’t need the spotlight to be on them because they don’t need to prove anything to others. They get their sense of self-worth from how they view themselves, not how other people view them.

I have seen this and I wanted it for myself.

“Take the age of the average person and then subtract your age, that’s how much time you have left” my best friend said one night while we were having a late night chat in our balcony. He’s right. That number is real and tangible; time is ticking whether we like it or not.

The most recent Canadian Demographic Profile says the average person in the country lives to be 81 years old which equals 29, 565 days. If you think about it, it’s not much isn’t it? Yet a lot of people just coast through their days and go to bed expecting that they’re going to wake up the next day hoping they’re going to have another opportunity to do what they really want. Recently, I just turned 27 and have lived 9, 855 days which gives me less than 20, 000 days to leave a legacy.

After being broke, hitting rock bottom and battling depression multiple times, I finally found something worth getting out of bed for. It’s funny because the past year, I noticed I’ve been beating my alarm clock. I’m usually wide awake 10 minutes before my it goes off. I know it’s bad but I don’t really get a lot of sleep lately, I love what I do so much to the point where I can’t wait to wake up the next day and do it all over again. A life lived in service of others is how you leave a legacy.

Be that person that gets his worth and validation from taking action knowing that every step that he takes, he’s moving closer to his goal. Define your destination but be flexible with your approach on how you get there. Yes it’s true, there are things in life that you can’t do anything about but don’t underestimate the amount of control that you have. As I’ve said before, the decisions that you make despite your circumstances define who you are.

As for my parents, I still love them and give them the same, if not, more respect and appreciation. I know for a fact it’s time to live my own life now, not theirs. At the end of the day, I’m responsible for myself. Life is like a relay race that you run. You need relationships to have a meaningful and fulfilling life but they could only take you so far. You still have to carry the baton and cross that finish line yourself.

If you don’t decide on how you’re going to live your life, believe me when I say this; other people will do it for you. If you don’t create your dream job, other people will hire you to create theirs.

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Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged: , , , ,
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